Celebrant Life: The bridge between our skills and qualities
Like any job or career, there can be quite an emphasis on the skills required to do celebrancy with excellence. We may, however, have those skills but be lacking in qualities that elevate us from an okay celebrant to a celebrant who truly makes a difference. Let’s have a look at the division of labour between those skills and qualities, and how they might marry.
Skills
These can be learned
Excellent deep-listening skills
Attractive voice
Vocal awareness and dexterity
Conscious body language
Aware of other people’s body language
Patient
Creative writer
Attentive to detail
Punctual
Always learning
Organised
Adaptable
Choreographer
Ability to take direction
Ability to give direction
Creative
Articulate
Bringer of ceremonial magic
Specialist in ritual
Ability to be calm no matter what
Excellent at time keeping (especially in a busy crematorium)
Storyteller
Inclusive
Disciplined
Commitment
Strong work ethic
Qualities
These are innate
Empathic
Kind
Energy curious
Energy aware
Respectful
Thoughtful
Insatiably curious
Sense of humour
Willing to go the extra mile
Considerate
Having presence
Intuitive
Willing to put ego to one side
Ability to work with people of all sorts of temperaments
Able to ‘hold the space’ (not only in ceremony, but with clients)
Invested in relationships
Transparent in all aspects
Has integrity
Humour, for example, is innate but can be developed as a skill especially in relation to a sense of timing.
When I’m training someone to be a celebrant, I’d rather they had fabulous qualities than arrive with a strong skillset but lacking in essentials like empathy and kindness.
A celebrant may have a whole host of necessary skills but lacking in the awareness of human psychology or integrity. This is where they fall down as a celebrant because they lack the connectivity required to truly be present.
Having the ‘gift of the gab’ isn’t something I’d look for in a would-be celebrant. Someone who can truly listen, without interrupting, and be fully present, well that’s someone with the potential to change people’s lives for the better. For me, that’s absolute gold dust in the celebrant world.
So many training companies emphasise that their courses will teach you how to run your celebrant business or be a wizard on social media. Great. That’s all great and well. But where is the holistic element of self awareness and understanding why ego needs to be placed to one side? The foundation of excellence and longevity in celebrancy goes way beyond the tricks and treats of online life to the heart of who you are. If you’re not able to look at that, then you certainly won’t have what it takes to do that with other people. The result? A shallow working life.
Presenting a ceremony is only one part of this role. Making a difference here rests not on the price of your suit or colour of your dress but on who you are when no one is looking.
There are as many types of and ways of being as a celebrant as there are humans. While someone may be the perfect celebrant for one client, they may be a nightmare celebrant for someone else. Whatever the truth is of that, one thing is clear to me: there are too many people being churned out of training schools (yes, especially the big-name expensive ones) who are clueless about their role and lacking in essential skills. Paul and I meet these people in mentoring sessions and on retreats. What’s abundantly clear is that the inexperienced are teaching the inexperienced. There’s no indepth feedback or guidance because those at the helm don’t have the knowledge or guidance to do so. In short, they don’t give instructive feedback because they have no idea what to look for. That is, they DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DON’T KNOW. This isn’t dissimilar to asking your partner or friend to give feedback on your script or information-gathering or presenting style. They don’t have the experience to know what to look for. 
It’s not uncommon for me to hear a would-be celebrant or celebrant-in-training ask “Do I have what it takes to be a celebrant?”
If only there was a yes/no answer!
Yes, you could have many great skills but are essentially lazy. You’ll get nowhere fast!
You might not have many skills but have beautiful qualities and a deep desire to make a difference in this world. You’ll consciously learn the skills and be the type of celebrant who moves through this world shining a light on others.
You might be someone who wants to do this job to earn a quick buck but have so many extracurricular activities on the go and quite a heady social life that you can’t focus on the job at hand.
You might be an introvert and wonder how you’ll be standing in front of an audience, and yet your ability to listen without agenda gives you the cutting edge in connecting with the bereaved or hearing why a couple know that they are meant for each other.
If you feel being a Heart-led Celebrant is your calling, we would love to welcome you into our home and open the doors to this new vocation. We assure you of our expertise in the field and our attention to detail and care.
