The Vanity Optics of Celebrant Awards

© Written by Veronika Sophia Robinson

“On the highest throne in the world,
we still sit only on our own bottom.”
Michel de Montaigne

 

When I began my celebrant journey back in 1995, the life of a celebrant couldn’t have been more different than it is today. Firstly, we didn’t have social media. Websites were still finding their feet. We didn’t pounce on our wedding couples for selfies (okay, mobile phones were bricks, back then). The wedding day was theirs, not mine. This has remained consistent over the past thirty years.

While I have been nominated for awards by those in the bereavement and wedding fields, I’ve not chased my clients for ‘votes’. That someone went out of their way to nominate me is kind and thoughtful, and of course, I’m touched.

But do I need an award? No.

Will an award make me a better celebrant? No.

Do I believe my clients will value my work more if I put ‘award-winning celebrant’ on everything? No.

Do I advocate seeking awards? No.

HOWEVER, if it’s your dream to receive a celebrant award, don’t let me tell you otherwise. If your fantasy is seeing yourself as a celebrant celebrity, go for it.

 

 

While celebrant awards have a right to exist, here’s why a self-aware celebrant might choose differently.

As a Heart-led Celebrant, awards are not my currency; they’re not my goal. They have no place in my practice. An award is akin to begging for someone else’s approval to shine. It’s like wanting mummy and daddy’s approval for a job well done. I’m an adult. I don’t need that.

When your practice is based on excellence, you know with certainty that the work you’re doing is deeply rewarding. An award won’t fix an empty hole (emotionally or in terms of work practice).

Awards draw you away from internal harmony. Someone else is saying ‘this is the standard’.

 

Set your own standard!

(and make it excellent)

 

Let your magnificence shine. You’re either a great celebrant or you’re not. An award makes no difference to the reality of that.

 

You don’t need to win

your place in the light.

 

 

 

Imagine if every celebrant who was doing their job well, lit their own light? The whole celebrant sky would be lit with stars. 

 

The truth of celebrant awards is that the overall currency can have the effect of a celebrant experiencing: discontent, disappointment, envy, fear and resentment (though the winner will experience jubilation).

Learn the difference between award and reward. If your work is rewarding, why do you need an award? Self-awareness means avoiding egoic-laden traps. Set your mind free and release the false goal of celebrant awards. You are your own beacon of light. Your clients will either feel that or they won’t. Authenticity isn’t something you buy.

In celebrancy, receiving an award is a public prize in a competition.

In celebrancy, receiving a reward is the internal joy you feel at having done your job exceptionally well (with or without external praise or validation from a client or FD or guests/mourners).

Are You Competitive or Cooperative?
Celebrancy has become a sport. While many celebrants claim ‘cooperation over competition’, in the same breath they’re begging their clients to vote for them in whatever the latest award is that they’re up for. You’re either in cooperation or you’re in competition with other celebrants. It can’t be both.

The bottom line is that the ONLY person who cares about a celebrant award is the celebrant. Your clients want to know if you’re a good match. Funeral directors want to know if you’ll work well with their clients.

An award is no guarantee of chemistry or mastery of craft. From what I have observed, some of those giving the awards appear to have limited awareness of what makes a good celebrant. Here’s the thing: you cannot judge someone else’s working style based on their social-media presence, number of Google reviews (some of us don’t ask, chase or beg for them) or photos. The judges are not there behind the scenes where the bulk of celebrancy happens. They aren’t there observing a celebrant’s listening skills and nor are they there to see if a script is written well or in a shoddy manner. A judge can’t tell from ‘happy wedding’ photos or testimonials about the quality of a celebrant’s voice or what mannerisms they have and so on. Being a celebrant involves many different aspects. Unless a judge is with a celebrant all day and every day of their working life, they have NO IDEA of the celebrant’s value.

 

Our focus as celebrants is to shine a light on those we are there to serve. We are only ever as good as our last ceremony. Imagine someone wins ‘celebrant of the year’ (whatever that even means) and then goes on to upset a client, writes a lacklustre script, or delivers it poorly or has an unpleasant speaking voice or gets names wrong during a ceremony. What value is that award? What does the award tell you? To my mind, it is saying that quality isn’t as important as popularity. Having had to fill in at short notice for ‘award-winning’ celebrants (because of distraught and distressed clients), [and writing the script from scratch], each time I’m left wondering “what does their award even mean?”. It reminds me of when I buy Sainbury’s Taste The Difference oranges and my face contorts because they taste so sour rather than the sweetness I was promised.

Surely the best ‘award’ is to know that you’ve met your clients’ wishes and that they are adamant they couldn’t have had a better service? One person’s ideal celebrant might be another person’s idea of hell. Who decides the best? What do you base it on? The number of clients you’ve begged to vote or instructed to leave ‘golden’ reviews?

Wouldn’t it be healthier and more congruent to ask your client (away from public reviews) “How would you rate our working relationship out of ten?” If they say anything less than ten, then ask “What can I do to improve and bring it up to ten?”

 

I’ve heard so many celebrants come away from award nights (described by many as the Academy Awards for Celebrants) absolutely distraught that they didn’t win. What exactly were they hoping to “win”?

What happened to every client they’ve worked with?

What happened to the carefully written scripts?

Or the hours upon hours of deep-level listening?

What about years of the dedication to improve and refine their vocal tone and presentation skills?

Aren’t they BIG WINS? Or, are these meaningless without that bit of paper or trophy or bragging rights? Why do they feel less of a celebrant because they didn’t ‘win’?

If more celebrants put their energy into developing their craft than wanting to be ‘famous’ or needing validation from a panel of strangers (or panel of celebrant friends!), then perhaps this industry wouldn’t be overrun with incompetent celebrants proffering poorly worded and unimaginative scripts and shallow presentations. Many people complain that there are too many celebrants. The truth is that there are too many inadequate celebrants. The number of ‘qualified’ celebrants is not the issue and never will be. The problem lies in the training schools that are churning out ‘professional celebrants’ who are simply not equipped for the job. People desperate for good training get lulled in by words like NOCN or ‘professional celebrants’ and so on with no idea how little their course will actually give them. They’ve no idea because they have nothing to compare it to.

There’s this careless teaching approach that encourages ‘making mistakes’ as part of your journey. I say this with 100% kindness: I can’t imagine any client wanting to be the one you make your mistakes on, so why not learn how to do the job properly in the first place and with care and thoroughness? Having been (more than once) on the receiving end of a not-good-enough celebrant, I know that the ceremony stays with you for life. Those ‘mistakes’ might help the celebrant (if they’re self aware and willing to learn from them) but they sure as heck leave a sour taste with the client; a taste that lingers long after that of the dodgy Sainbury’s Taste the Difference oranges.

If there was one thing (and actually, there are many) that I could change about the celebrant industry, it’s the brandishing of awards. It’s become a toxic intrusion into a vocation/career that, when entered into without ego, brings its own rewards.

There are industries and movements where awards are 100% valid. Celebrancy is not one of them, and never will be.

I remember telling a local celebrant that the award she was showing off wasn’t ‘valid’ because it was one she had to pay for. Her response? She didn’t care. Her only goal was to get client bookings. When I questioned another celebrant about the legitimacy of his award (it cost him £400 to buy it!), he said it ‘was good for business’. The only good that comes out of these awards is pampering already over-inflated egos. Anyone whose life path and celebrant practice is rooted in integrity, will choose differently.

Two points for reflection:

So competition or cooperation? Which one do you choose? 

If your client’s gratitude isn’t enough, then maybe nothing will ever be enough?

“Be like the bamboo:
the higher you grow, the deeper you bow.”
Chinese Proverb