The Life of a Celebrant

When deciding on this blog title I was reluctant to write ‘Day in the Life of a Celebrant’ for the simple reason that no two days are EVER the same. So, instead, I shall share glimpses into what happens in my celebrant life and my working practices.

As I officiate ceremonies for all rites of passage (not just funerals, weddings and namings), my skillset is versatile, rich and ultra-creative. For the purposes of this blog, I shall focus on the two areas that the majority of celebrants choose: bereavement and bonding ceremonies.

Although I’ve worked with almost 20 different funeral directors, the majority of work I do regularly comes from just a handful. Even so, their styles and approaches are different and therefore my work requirements can be different, too. For example, with most of them, after initial contact confirming whether or not I can take on a booking, I am then sent all the contact information. One funeral director gives me all the information by phone. Another funeral director shares with me some of the stories from the family and then sends vital information by email. With most funeral directors, I order the music and photo tributes via Wesley or Obitus but there is one FD who does this themselves.

Once I’ve confirmed I can take a funeral, I then contact the chief mourner or next of kin to arrange a visit. I explain that I’ll need about two hours of their time. For this reason, where possible I schedule my visits for either 10am or 2pm so that I’m avoiding people’s mealtimes.

My approach to these family visits is not one whereby I go in with a list of questions. Quite the opposite, in fact. I prefer an organic conversation so that families can follow their thoughts and see where their memories take them. This yields richer life stories than the formulaic ‘Where was jack born?’ ‘Where did Jack go to school?’-CV-type approach.

 

I’m extremely conscious that when I visit a family, I’m going into their home as a complete stranger and expecting them to trust me with their loved one’s stories. For this reason, the more relaxed I can make it, the better. The energy we bring is vital in determining how that meeting will go. So, it’s important to be relaxed and friendly and above all not fill the space with relatable stories. We are NOT there to share about our life.

Once we (it is a co-creative experience) feel we’ve covered everything, then I head home (unless I have another family to visit). After having a cuppa, I order the music choices. By doing this straight away, then I know it’s done. I’ll send a confirmation to the FD and to the family to ensure I’ve got the right pieces, in the right order, by the right singer/composer. If there’s a webcast, I’ll send the link for that, too. If I’m required to upload photos for a tribute, then I’ll make sure the family has them to me within about 24 to 48 hours of my visit. Deadlines are vital in this job so being clear about boundaries of any description has to be something you’re comfortable doing. I’ve heard ridiculous stories of celebrants walking up the aisle and still being given information to add to eulogies. NO. Absolutely no. To do this job well, we need to be familiar with our script. My deadline for an approved script is no later than 48 hours before the ceremony. For a wedding, it’s a week before. I rehearse each script about twenty times so that it fits like a second skin and that I’m as relaxed as possible when officiating, and making lots of eye contact. We aren’t there to ‘read’. Anyone can stand up and read. We are there to ‘give’ the script life force.

 

I then type up all my notes in the order I’ve written them. I also prepare an order of service to send the funeral director for printing. This requires sending the ‘scaffolding’ of the ceremony not the content of my script. For example, here’s a funeral order of service. This was for a double funeral (husband and wife). I’ve removed their names for privacy, and omitted the hymn words.

A Celebration of Two Lives

Name
25th August 1938 – 10th June 2024

Name
4th December 1935 – 26th June 2024

Together Forever


Time
Day and date
Carlisle Crematorium Chapel

Celebrant: Veronika Robinson



Order of Service
Processional: Amazing Grace – Andrea Bocelli and Alison Krauss
Words of Welcome
Poem: She Is Gone – David Harkins
Memories of (names)
Music: Romeo and Juliet – Dire Straits
Memories, continued
Hymn: Hail, Queen of Heaven, The Ocean Star – The Cathedral Singers and Richard Proulx
Reading: The Measure of a Man – Grady Poulard
Prayer from Psalm 23: The Lord’s My Shepherd
(name) Committal
Funerary Ritual: The Starfish and Seashell
(name) Committal
Funerary Ritual: The Artist’s Colours
Music: Adagio For Strings – Scottish National Orchestra
Words of Peace
Recessional: Time To Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro) – Andrea Bocelli

***
Text for back page:

After this ceremony, you’re welcome to join the family for refreshments at….

If you’d like to make a donation in their memory, this will go to support the work of Royal National Lifeboat Institution.

So, with this ‘scaffolding’ in place I can begin work on writing the ceremony. I don’t read out those bold headings. They are for guidance so I know where I am in the script. I then write the eulogy and other parts of the ceremony. (I’ve written about my eulogy style in the book Write That Eulogy).

 

Because I generally have a fairly tight turn around time (that is 7 to 10 days notice of a funeral), I aim to visit the family asap. I write the funeral on the day of the visit, where possible, then sleep on it overnight. I print it out to read out loud (checking for style, typos, grammar and so on). Then I email it through. So, pretty much within 24 hours of my visit they’ll have what I call a “first draft” (this gives the client ‘permission’ to make changes). In almost all cases no additional drafts are needed. If there are changes required (more often than not it is because the client has remembered something differently to someone else in the family), then I send through the amended draft (called draft two, so there are no mistakes or mix ups). This process would continue until there is a final and approved draft. I once heard of a wedding celebrant who, midway through the ceremony, the groom angrily called out “that’s the not script we approved!” At every step of the way we can implement practices to ensure and insure we don’t make mistakes.

Having sent off my script, ordered the music, and sent an order of service (OOS) to the funeral director, my thoughts can turn to other bookings that have come in (whether that’s arranging the visit, doing the visit, writing the script) or rehearsing and officiating ceremonies. And that’s just my funeral work! I tend to have a lull from weddings in mid-Winter but that’s not always the case.

The lead in to a wedding day is vastly different to that of funerals. I could have anything from one week to three years notice of a wedding. Depending on my couple and the nature of their wedding day, we could have just a few meetings (in person or via Zoom) or quite a lot. I don’t put a restriction on this as it is important to me that their wedding day is exactly as they’d like it. Generally, though, I get a good sense of my couple and can ascertain ceremony content in a meeting or two. Wedding celebrant work often includes venue visits, too, as well as plans for if an outdoor ceremony can’t go ahead. Venues (for any ceremony) are our work spaces so it is vital we are familiar with them: anything from lighting, extraneous sounds, health and safety issues, and so on. Don’t just go by a photo of the place. It’s not enough!

You can spend twenty plus hours creating a fabulous wedding and then have it tarnished because of ignorance of venue staff and ridiculous levels of noise impacting the ceremony space.

I send a script through to my couples a month before their wedding so that they have time to decide if they’d like any amendments. Generally, I am writing parts of the script (e.g. rituals) during the course of our journey from booking to ceremony. Although weddings, for the most part, don’t have the tight timelines that I have to work to for funerals, they do still require the skills of organisation, dedication, discipline and creativity.

As mentioned earlier, I officiate across all rites of passage and these ceremonies are woven in during the course of the year.

The ceremonies I offer, across all rites of passage, include but are not limited to:
• Conscious Conception
• Blessingways
• Baby Blessings
• Namings: All ages and genders
• Adoption
• Aspersion Baptism (for all ages)
• Anointing with Holy Oil
• House Blessings
• Little Free Library Opening
• Career Change
• New Business
• Menarche (new to the Moon)
• Teenage coming-of-age ceremonies
• Loving Bonds: Blessings, Weddings, Handfastings, Vow Renewals, Civil Partnership, Friendship ceremony
• Parting of the Ways
• Divorce Healing

• Leaving Prison
• Leaving Rehabilitation
• Living with Illness (entering into or recovery from)
• Living with Amputation
• Bereavement: Mandala Funerals, Pregnancy and Infant Loss, Living Funerals, Advanced Funeral Planning, Cremation, Burial, Eco-burial, Interment or Scattering of Ashes.
• Sagesse (wisdom/wise elder)
• Conscious Parting From The Earth Plane
• Last Rites

No matter the right of passage that I’m creating a ceremony for, I bring intuition, creativity and experience so that my client can feel as if they’re being heard and that the ceremony will give them exactly what they need or desire.

Just as no two working days are the same when you’re a celebrant, the working hours vary too. Some celebrants like myself will use the early mornings to write eulogies and love stories so that the rest of the day is free for meetings and officiating. While others might choose not to work weekends, other celebrants will work every weekend. Your working days and times will be dependent to a large degree on the types of ceremonies you offer.

My ‘office’ is always changing. Sure, there are the work spaces I have at home, like the writing room (or living room sofa) or porch, but there are six crematoria I work from, various non-denominational chapels, burial grounds and eco-burial grounds, castles, gardens, barns, beaches, fells, farmyards, homes and so on. Adaptability is an important skill to have not only as a celebrant but in life, too.

 

Celebrant life can be full, rich and rewarding. It can be exhausting, too, and sometimes thankless. Self-care is vital. Vicarious trauma is real. It’s not a perfect job nor indeed ‘the best job in the world’ as many trainers or celebrants will tell you. To say it is the ‘best job’ gives a false impression that it’s all ‘love and lightbulbs’ and every day is perfect and easy. When you’ve garnered as much experience as I have, you possess a more realistic view. What sort of job is it then? Richly rewarding, meaningful and soul satisfying. You learn as much about yourself as you do about others, and in the end it’s a daily lesson in personal growth. In June 2025, I’ll have been a celebrant for 30 years. This path has changed me in countless ways, and for that I am grateful. 

Veronika Robinson has been officiating all manner of ceremonies since 1995, and alongside her husband Paul are industry leaders offering one-to-one professional celebrant training. Veronika is also the author of Write That Eulogy, and a collection of other books on celebrancy, as well as a novelist. She is a workshop leader, celebrant retreat host, and metaphysician. Veronika founded Penrith’s first Death Café, is a celebrant for the charity Gift of a Wedding, a certified Infant Loss Professional and has a level 2 certificate in self-harm and suicide prevention.